10/9/06 Trusting God & Loving the One I'm With

I don't know if this title makes sense, but there it is. The hardest part for me is thinking up titles.

Yesterday, my dh had to do a 4 hour overtime at some fair type thing at a fire dept in the city where he works. He and a couple others are doing demonstrations with the "convincer"-it shows what happens in a car crashes without seatbelts worn. There's also lots of other demonstrations and attractions. He told Hannah & Jonah they could go with him. I am very fearful of my kids being around a lot of strangers especially knowing that my dh would be distracted and I wouldn't be there to hover over them every second. We talked to them about staying together and staying near Pat. I probably talked their ears off about not talking to strangers away from Pat, not going anywhere with strangers, etc. Plus, Hannah took the guide dog puppy with her as this would be a great training experience for him. But, he attracts a ton of attention from people.

So, they left and I was afraid-beyond reason. Then I started thinking maybe I was afraid for a good reason-which made me more afraid. I was pacing around the house (Susanna was playing with toys) praying out loud and even crying here and there for the Lord to protect them. I know He loves them more than me and I know He is in control-but I also know that sometimes He lets things happen that are according to His plan-not mine-and plans that I don't understand. Plus, I wasn't "in control." I put quotes there because I know I'm not really in control even when it feels like I am.

I asked my HS Moms to pray for them and I just continued to pray and finally I began to feel at peace. Plus, I called my dh a couple times to see how things were going.

First, he told me he didn't know where the kids were and maybe they'd been kidnapped already. I told him he was gonna get it. Then he said he could see them and they were staying together and having a great time. The fire dept set 2 cars on fire and let the kids help hold the hoses to put it out, a helicopter landed a bit ago and that was exciting, etc.

So, finally, I realized I only had my little Susanna with me and that never happens. We had so much fun together!!!

We baked some cookies and she helped with everything. It was a change not having 3 kids wanting to help and me being frustrated at all the commotion. I was able to give Susanna all my attention.

We went outside and worked in the garden. Here's the last bit of my summer flowers-they're the only ones still flowering:

Then she and I mowed the lawn on the tractor. She loves to sit in the front of me. We got some grain to throw to the chickens and we looked for eggs. She gets so excited when she finds the eggs-she squeals and jumps and is so funny.

We took a walk in the woods with 1 of the dogs. She & Freya found a tiny snake. Susanna was thrilled and wanted that snake to sit in her hand. But, the snake didn't appreciate our attention-especially Freya's nosy nose! A monarch butterfly flitted in front of her and we followed it-it landed on a flower and we got really close to it. Susanna clapped her hands together and wanted to hold it, but it flew off and we chased it until we couldn't any longer.

We went in and had some lunch together.

Then we got some books and sat on the front porch to read books. It was one of those moments that if I could I would freeze-frame. It was gorgeous weather with a beautiful view and Susanna was looking up at me smiling and talking to me in her baby talk. Here's what it looked like from where we were sitting:

I found a book she'd never seen before called Waiting for Wings by Lois Ehlert. It is filled with beautiful paintings of butterflies.

After that I brought her in to rock and nurse her for her nap. At one point she unlatched and looked up at me and said, "Daddy back?" I told her he'd be back when she woke up. She said, "Doan(Jonah)back?" I repeated what I said about Daddy. She said, "HeeHa(Hannah) back?" I assured her she would be. Then she said, "doggie back?" I said yes. She said, OK and then settled in and went to sleep. It was so sweet.

Since I had some free time to myself, I went back outside to work in the garden some more and mow parts of the lawn that I can't do with the baby sitting with me.

I was thinking while I was mowing that I had so cherished our time alone together that I somehow need to make it happen more often. I'm not sure how, but it has to happen. I want more of it. We are together all day every day, of course-but so often during school days I feel pulled in so many directions & distracted. I want more time to be able to just focus on her and the same thing with my other two kids.

Here's a pic of my little butterfly girlie(this was taken a different day)

Everyone came home safe and sound around 3:00-thank you, Lord!