Lately, I've been waking up with churning thoughts that are pinging around crazily. I think if it was possible for them to get out, the force of their movement would break things.
It is impossible to go back to sleep, so I get up and get going.
When I get on the computer, I get tons of great ideas, which adds to it. I walk the treadmill and read a book while on it and leave the treadmill with more ideas and thoughts pinging around.
I feel so restless and don't know how to calm my thinking.
I feel like I somehow need to simplify my life. But, the more I read about that, the more ideas I get and want to put into practice-it's like a vicious cycle.
I wonder if I have too many ways to get information-too many choices I can make-and they all seem great. But, I can't do them all.
I think I do this to the kids as well. I get them started on something and then before they finish, I tell them other things they need to do.
For example. I asked Hannah to bring down the laundry. While she was up there, I asked her to bring down a book from the loft, too. Then, I yelled up the stairs--"did you already make your bed? Oh, and see if my glasses are on the bathroom counter please?"
A little bit later she was sitting at the counter eating breakfast and I realized the washing machine wasn't running. I said, "didn't I ask you to bring down the laundry?"
She totally forgot because she was looking for my glasses and getting the book I asked for! I can't think that this is good for them- I am setting up my children to be like me. I am whirling around so much starting things and forgetting to finish some of it-I feel like a madwoman sometimes.
I talked to my dh about it. He's commented on it before telling me to let the kids finish a thing before starting them on another.
And then I read this in a book I'm reading called Home Grown Kids by Raymond & Dorothy Moore. It says, (I'm paraphrasing)
"do not break a child's concentration if they are absorbed in something. This distracts the child and could cause them to form the habit of being easily distracted, and hyperactive-jumping from one thing to another."
I don't do this all the time, but I do it too much. Somehow I need to clean house inside my mind and also this house. I feel like if there was less stuff here, I'd feel less distracted. Do you know I can't sit down and read a book to the kids if the room isn't picked up? I don't mind dust-but I can't stand clutter.
And when people come over-forget it!! I like it when people show up without calling because then I have an excuse for things not being picked up. If I know they're coming, I can't stop cleaning until they get here.
Last week some friends came over. Later, my dh got home from work and asked how our day was. Hannah told him we cleaned the house before the friends came over and "a stressful time was had by all."
It was funny the way she said it, but it's sad, too!!
Also, my thoughts. I never ever thought I would say this, but I think it can be a bad thing to have so many books to read and so many awesome websites to look at and so many fantastic curriculums to use.
I have too many choices. I have to cut it all back somehow, but don't know how to do it. Really, I love learning new things-I love researching. But, I need to either scale it way back or stop.
What did people used to do? Look at all the amazing men and women in the history of our country.
Some of them never had books growing up-or they had one or two total. Patrick Henry quit school as a boy. He studied a law book for 6 weeks and then passed the bar exam with flying colors. His motto was: what better way to learn to be a lawyer than by doing it. Meanwhile, his friend Thomas Jefferson had been studying law for years and still wasn't a lawyer yet. (not that one way is better than another-it's just something that struck me as interesting.)
My dh & I were talking about all this yesterday and I told him I need God to show me what to change and what to do. I can't read any more of other people's great ideas and philosophies. I need to trust God to show me His perfect plan for my actions and thoughts.
I know this post doesn't make much sense--it's pretty hard to harness all these thoughts pinging around in my head to explain what I'm thinking & feeling. I can barely make sense of it myself.
Here's a quote that really hit me:
"The moment you wake up each morning, all your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. And the first job each morning consists of shoving it all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other, larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in." C.S. Lewis
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