Something's been bothering me for awhile. I'm not sure if I can verbalize it in words very well-in fact I know I can't. I've had so many thoughts and feelings swirling around in my mind lately and can barely make sense of them. The other day I wrote in my journal to try to sort many things out. Anyway, lately I feel like I pour myself out for my family and have considered it wrong to want anything for myself. Like doing something for me could mean less for them. I am quite disgusted with the me-first society we live in, so that's not where I'm going with this.
I love taking care of my family-my husband and my children and our house. I consider it my ministry--it's an honor and a blessing that the Lord has trusted me with my precious family.
I got to thinking that there's many things I want to do and to learn about, but don't. You all know the schedule a HS mom keeps-so the reason why is obvious. I'd love violin lessons (I used to play and I do have a violin, but haven't played it in so many years that I don't remember anything) I don't get myself lessons because it's more important to me to pay for lessons for my kids. Hannah takes piano and Jonah wants to play guitar, so I need to find him a teacher and we need to get him a guitar. I'd rather they get to do this than me get to learn violin again.
But, if I wait until they're grown or we can afford it or I have the time, will I ever do it? I've been praying about this and asking God questions-like am I being selfish in wanting these things??
I believe He's led me to a very agreeable arrangement. One that will benefit me as well as my children! Isn't that neat? Hannah plays the piano and has for the last 5 yrs. I've always wanted to learn piano and LOVE to listen to her and often find myself wishing I could make beautiful sounds on it like she does. So, I asked her to teach me! She took it very seriously-got out all her piano books, put them in order of easiest to hardest and planned lessons. She is a very good teacher and patient, too! I've learned 3 songs so far and am trying to practise every day and she gives me a lesson a couple times per week. Not only is she learning to teach, but I'm learning to play for no cost and all the kids are seeing me learn something new. I hope this helps show them that it's good to learn new things all your life. And I'm having fun!
Another thing that's been bothering me is my weight. I need to lose about 30 lbs and it just isn't coming off. So, I've gone back on the South Beach Diet (modified it a bit) and I'm doing the treadmill every day-a mile to a mile and a half. I can read a book while walking, so it doesn't feel like wasted time) It's been a few days and I notice a difference already-my pants are more loose and I feel better with more energy. I've also noticed that I feel more amorous towards my dh since I am feeling better about my body.
The other day I had a hard time finding time to get on the treadmill. The majority of the schooling was done, Susanna was down for a nap and I needed to read a biography to the 2 older kids, fold laundry, get dinner started, and sew cloth diapers for a friend of mine. What I did was ask Hannah(11) to read the bio out loud to Jonah (he's 8 and reads well, but his eyes hurt if he reads for very long), explaining to them both that I really needed to get exercise and they'd be helping me out in this way. I never got to the diapers until the next day.
Anyway, after I finished walking and got back upstairs (treadmill is in the basement) I saw a scene that really made my heart swell. Hannah was reading to Jonah and then after a bit she said, "Now, Jonah, can you tell me about what we've just read?" And he told it to her in his own words. I asked Hannah about this and she said that every couple pages she asked Jonah to repeat to her what she read to make sure he was listening and understood it. I told her she was using a teaching technique called narration and I was so proud of the both of them-they took this reading so seriously and did it well without me there. I often use the narration technique with them and I'm so thrilled to see them put it into practice on their own!
I feel like the Lord has shown me that it's ok and even beneficial to others besides me to do some things for me! Isn't He so good?
Down the road a bit, I'm going to have Hannah teach me how to knit!! LOL
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